SEVEN ASIDES
Carabao Cup
Grimsby 2, United 2 (12-11 on pens)
Ruben Amorim has a 100-per-cent record in the League Cup: every time he’s been involved, United have been knocked out. It doesn’t matter whether they’re playing in front of 60,000 people at a shiny new stadium in London or 8,500 in a sodden park in Cleethorpes. Each time, Amorim changed goalkeepers and found that the one he’d turned to was a liability – Altay Bayindir against Tottenham, André Onana against Grimsby (to be fair, many fans would have picked Onana too, after seeing Bayindir try to cope with corners). Each time, United got off to a wretched start, going 3-0 down to Spurs and 2-0 to Grimsby, who were robbed of a third goal by a contentious offside flag. In open play in five domestic cup games with United, Amorim now has one win, three draws and a defeat. In all his cup meetings with English opponents, including the Europa League final, it’s W1 D3 L2. That lone victory came at home to Leicester, who were hurtling towards relegation: United still went 1-0 down and it took a goal from Harry Maguire in the 93rd minute for them to squeeze through. At Grimsby United only made it to penalties thanks to a goal from Maguire in the 89th minute. On Amorim’s watch, it doesn’t take long for a pattern to emerge.
United had only two realistic chances of winning a trophy this season, and now they’ve blown one of them. As Marcus Rashford pointed out in his interview with Gary Lineker and Micah Richards, United have enough good players (and a good enough coach, he generously added) to ‘win some cup tournaments’. They won two in two seasons under Erik ten Hag. In this respect, as in a few others, Amorim has shown that he’s not the right manager for United. His record in the Premier League is abysmal (29 games, 28 points). The squad isn’t suited to the formation he clings to like a doomed lover. His methods have yielded results only against continental clubs. He seems not to believe in three of the great United traditions – putting attack first, picking speedy wingers and promoting Academy graduates. Alejandro Garnacho, who embodied all three and played 144 times for United before his 21st birthday, has now been sold to Chelsea for the knockdown price of £40m. Last night, for the third game running, United would have had a better chance with him on the bench. Garnacho could be brattish but he’ll be remembered for winning the FA Youth Cup (scoring twice in the final), for winning the FA Cup (scoring the first goal and playing his part in the sublime move that brought the second), and for so often sending an electric current through 73,000 people at Old Trafford. Time to watch this and weep.
In press conferences, Amorim is apt to criticise the players, which must make it harder for them to trust him. In the technical area, his body language is seldom positive: most of the time he radiates annoyance. During Wednesday’s shoot-out, as on Sunday when Bruno Fernandes was taking aim at Row Z, he couldn’t bear to look. Afterwards, while admitting that the better team had won, he also said penalties were ‘not important’. Tell that to Bruno Fernandes, who was punching the air whenever a team-mate scored. The other night I was watching the cricket on Sky and the commentators were joined by Tom Moody, the Australian all-rounder who is now in demand as a coach. He was asked about his calm demeanour as he watched his team, the Oval Invincibles. Look, he said, the last thing the guys need is to see the dug-out looking stressed. The Invincibles won The Hundred last year, and the year before, and now they’re top of the table.
Finding themselves on ITV at prime time, United at least delivered some drama. For the neutral, this game was exactly what a cup tie should be, David facing Goliath on his own turf and landing the first blows. By losing, United gave far more pleasure than they would have if they’d cruised to a win. And they didn’t just lose in a straight line, as some teams would have: they very nearly lost, then fought back to draw and finally inched ahead in the shoot-out, only to throw away the advantage. Beforehand the ground was reeking of fish & chips; at the end there was a pitch invasion by hundreds of people brandishing Harry the Haddock, the inflatable mascot whose origins lie in journalism, of all places. ‘UTD GET BATTERED,’ said a sign held up by a boy on his dad’s shoulders, ‘EVERYWHERE THEY GO!’ Hard to argue with that at the moment.
The second goal was the crucial blow – another corner, another shemozzle on United’s goal line. It’s as if Onana and Bayindir are trying to let Tom Heaton overtake them. In happier news, this was the first Grimsby goal scored by Tyrell Warren, the defender who joined them a year ago from Barrow. Born in Manchester, Warren was in United’s youth system for years and made friends with a boy called Marcus. Warren played for United in pre-season eight years ago, but was soon shipped out to Salford City. This summer, when Rashford took a busman’s holiday in Spain to work on his fitness, Warren went with him. His goal was fuelled by rough justice.
Even in the pouring rain, on a surface that was almost in the North Sea, there were glimmers of consolation. Joshua Zirkzee returned from injury and looked sharp. Kobbie Mainoo did quite well, given how badly Amorim had been treating him: he kept calm, played all 95 minutes, got an assist and nailed his penalty. If some of his control was sloppy, he had two decent excuses to choose from – the rain or the rust. United played a lot better in the second half and even scored, twice, without any help from own goals. Bryan Mbeumo notched up his first United goal, plus his first penalty and his first penalty miss, all in the space of about half an hour. Amorim, who makes his favourites so obvious, seems to have added Matheus Cunha to the (very short) list of people he won’t take off. In the shoot-out, that decision came back to bite him. But at least Fernandes remembered how he likes to take a penalty – slow and low, not high and wide.
It's going to be a very long season and a very short one at the same time. Long because United won't have a midweek game now until 3 December: some good players will barely get a start for three months. Short because they could now have as few as 40 games in the whole season: this one, the 38 in the league and one in the FA Cup, which, if Amorim is still in charge, is unlikely to be easy.
Tim de Lisle is the editor of United Writing and a sportswriter for The Guardian. He’s been supporting United since the days when they visited a fourth-tier club and won 8-2.