FIVE ASIDES Premier League: United 0, Newcastle 0
This wasn’t good enough. United missed Christian Eriksen, who was unwell – and they also missed James Garner, who would have been his understudy, had he not been brainlessly sold to Everton. Sport is all about talent, technique and temperament and in the dying minutes at Goodison Park last weekend Garner showed all three, stroking a lovely long ball, so well-aimed that it worked as both a cross and a shot. With no Garner yesterday and no Scott McTominay because of his yellow-card habit, Eriksen’s place went to Fred, who lacks his creativity even on a good day. He was next to Casemiro, his partner in Brazil’s engine room, yet he played like a competition winner, giving the ball away, shanking it out, playing it sideways. He kept being the wrong guy in the right place at the right time, taking four shots – as many as any United player – and blowing a golden chance in stoppage time. I was in the crowd, close to the Stretford End. On a day of mass frustration, nobody made us groan more than Fred.
Newcastle, to be fair, hadn’t come to play football, even though they were supposedly in red-hot form. They were wasting time from the 15th minute onwards, dawdling after every stoppage, often lying on the floor. They came for a point and got it, because United’s finishing was as poor as it had been on Thursday against Omonia. In these two home games together they had 49 attempts, 48 of which went awry. Cristiano Ronaldo was hopeless – the worst player on either side, according to WhoScored.com, which gave him 5.9 out of 10. He came alive for only two minutes, just after half-time, when he put the ball in the net twice – after omitting to trot back from an offside position (his Achilles heel since he turned 37), and then when trying to pickpocket Nick Pope at the resulting free kick. In the parts of the match that counted, he had only one shot and 22 touches, and his passing, usually reliable, slumped to 55pc accuracy, whereas all his team-mates managed 70. He so deserved to be substituted that there can be only one explanation for his fury: he was clearly going to berate Erik ten Hag for not taking him off earlier.
United paid the price for not rotating enough against Omonia. They were weary, Ronaldo more than anyone. The five-subs rule is a gift to the big clubs, with their large squads, but Ten Hag declined to use it, bringing on only Marcus Rashford – who did most things right, and created that chance for Fred with his pace, but let us down with his late header. Ronaldo would have scored that, said some. The Ronaldo of last season would have, but then so would this season’s Anthony Martial. Ten Hag must be seriously unimpressed with Anthony Elanga, who has gone from teacher’s pet under the last regime to the seldom-seen kid under this one. Seeing his team struggle in midfield, the manager made no changes there at all. It was baffling that he didn’t give Kobbie Mainoo a go for quarter of an hour in place of Fred. He’s 17, he’s a big talent, he’s got nothing to lose, he could have sparkled like Garner the Sunday before.
At half-time, along with everyone else, I trudged onto the concourse to watch the highlights. ‘Brilliant, brilliant opening 45 minutes from Manchester United,’ the commentator was saying. Really? Corporate PR is one thing, treating the fans like idiots quite another. United could have been three down by then. Rafa Varane, usually so composed, was dead lucky not to have conceded a penalty. For all their lack of desire, Newcastle had been slicing United open on the break. Luke Shaw had a good game, but United were ropey on their right. Antony was profligate in attack and patchy in his support for Diogo Dalot. So far he has been a curious performer, bringing goals, chutzpah and very little else – not one assist, hardly any crosses. ‘The good thing about this manager,’ Shaw said afterwards, ‘is that if you’re not playing well, then you won’t play. In the past, that’s not been the case, but I think the good thing about this manager is that he’s keeping everyone on their toes.’ It will be interesting to see if Antony hangs onto his automatic starting spot against Spurs.
Any team can have a bad day, and perhaps United were due one after three victories, two of them less than convincing. But this is just the kind of game they have to win. They beat Newcastle easily a year ago (4-1, on Ronaldo’s return), yet never looked like doing it again here. The other five members of the big six have now played 24 home games this season, winning 21, drawing three and losing none. At home Arsenal, City and Spurs all have 100pc records; even an out-of-sorts Liverpool have managed 11 points from five games. United, by contrast, have played four at home, won two, drawn one and lost one. That kind of form leads in only one direction: back to the Europa League.
Tim de Lisle writes about sport for The Guardian and music for The Mail on Sunday. If you’re on Twitter, do follow him and United Writing.